The mother-son relationship is complex and often influenced by media depictions of what it means to be a man. eval(ez_write_tag([[120,600],'ciprofamily_com-box-4','ezslot_13',197,'0','0']));eval(ez_write_tag([[120,600],'ciprofamily_com-box-4','ezslot_14',197,'0','1']));.box-4-multi-197{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}This article will explore the reasons why some sons treat their mothers poorly and offer advice on how to break the cycle. Whatever the reason, its not healthy for either the mother or the son. Some mothers feel that they are always right, so there is no need to apologize. Some sons are jealous of their mothers relationship with their spouse. Parents must understand the difference between these two scenarios so that they can take steps toward having a healthy relationship with their son if necessary and move past any problems that might arise between them in the future. She is a former public school teacher of 18 years, licensed in 3 states and certified to teach elementary, secondary English, and English Language Learners. Sons who treat their mothers poorly aren't just hurting themselves. The hateful son might feel like his mother is attacking him, or he might feel like shes always putting him down. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-banner-1','ezslot_6',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-banner-1-0');Although this psychological study examined later-born, not first-born, boys, it did illustrate how mothers may treat their sons differently and, in turn, could lead to negative effects. Adult children learn by watching us, so if they see us making mistakes, then its natural for them to think that doing the same thing would be okay too! Some personality disorders can cause a person to have a warped perspective on themselves and others. Something a lot of parents feel like they cant do in front of their kids is own up to making mistakes and potentially looking anything less than perfect. We can spend all day listing everything our mothers do for us and how much they mean to us. That might sound strange, but it makes sense, considering how much time mothers spend helping their sons grow up. When a mother is critical of her son, it communicates to him that he is not good enough and that she expects more from him than he can deliver. Heres how to set boundaries for your in-laws, depositphotos.com/stock-photo-parents-talking-son-bench-park, Why Does God Remove Someone from Your Life? Its important to set healthy boundaries when it comes to parent-child relationships. But what happens when that relationship goes bad? Disrespecting boundaries may start at a young age and continue through adulthood. Hell learn more from making mistakes than he will from being coddled by his mother! Another way to help sons understand how much their behavior hurts is for their mothers to write them letters. A sons relationship with his mother not only helps the son form his very own identity but also influences how he interacts with others, including other women, later on in life. This site does not constitute psychological or medical advice, please consult licensed psychological or medical professionals in your area for psychological or medical advice. The mother is overbearing and controlling. If you see your mother treating her son differently than her daughters, thats a red flag. Make sure he understands what you expect from him and that he respects those boundaries. Males in particular have a higher rate of diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder than females.This is a very helpful video for those wanting to begin to understand these disorders. Here are some tell-tale signs that your mother-son relationship may need some attention: Controlling mothers are very common in todays world. The son may feel like his mom doesnt understand or care about him. For example, a study in the academic journal Personal Relationships examined how adult attachment styles are influenced by how close the mother was to her children. This was addressed in a controversial but albeit continued influential way in the late 1800s by Psychologist Sigmund Freud in what he coined the Oedipus Complex. Well look at these below.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',151,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Are you having trouble with your children? The people youre son (and anyone) chooses to hang around with have a huge impact on their lives, its something to take very seriously. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'littleninjaparenting_com-box-4','ezslot_3',149,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-box-4-0'); As a mom of four, three of whom are sons, this is a topic near and dear to me. In normal conditions, this shift in the parent-child relationship does not lead to sons hating their mothers.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',111,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-2-0'); Sons who hate their mothers may end up having a hard time developing and maintaining their own relationships as they grow into adulthood. When a mother starts to make her son feel guilty for doing things without her. He hides his relationships from his mother. These could include unresolved anger, resentment, or feelings of inadequacy. Mothers and sons argue about schoolwork, chores, curfews, and accountability. No one deserves to be treated poorly, no matter the circumstances. A son may feel that his mother doesnt acknowledge him as a grown-up if she constantly refers to him as my child.. Here are six signs of an unhealthy mother-son relationship: 1. In some cases, this behavior may be a cry for help. An overly controlling mother may lead sons to hate them. If they are attracted to the opposite sex, that is, daughters like fathers, while sons like their mothers, that's positive Phallic psychosexual development, and this could help us explain why sons are closer to their mothers. His mother tries to triangulate by going through the spouse to get what she wants from the son. Mothers are supposed to love their children equally, but most of us know thats not always the case. https://aleteia.org/2018/12/09/the-impact-of-controlling-mothers-on-their-sons/, https://www.bustle.com/p/9-signs-your-mom-is-too-controlling-how-to-deal-with-it-36863, https://onlinelibrary-wiley-com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1995.tb00076.x, http://standalone.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/HiddenVoices.FinalReport.pdf, https://search-proquest-com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/docview/614509632/fulltextPDF/DD39F752A24D4257PQ/1?accountid=13158, https://www.livescience.com/8156-boys-close-relationship-mom.html. But mothers shouldnt expect an immediate change in their sons behavior after sending the letter. Listening will help you understand where hes coming from and how he feels about things. This is especially true if shes asingle motherand has been through a divorce. A mother must show her son that she loves him without being too much. 5 Signs God Is Trying to Remove Someone from Your Life! If you must give criticism, do so constructively and without belittling your son. An overly controlling mother is also someone who wants to have the final say in how her son lives his life. Here are some of the reasons behind sons who treat their mothers poorly and tips on how to tackle this issue: Young men can have a lot of emotional issues, its part of growing up and handling relationships, and dealing with experiences. It can often be challenging, but with these tips, you can create a healthy mother-son relationship. It is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees in support of this site by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. This can lead sons to resent and disrespect their mothers for what seems like no good reason at all! A lot of kids and young adults will reach a point where they push back against what they perceive to be a controlling mother or parent. The sons may feel their mothers do not trust the sons actions nor have the sons well-being in mind. In an unhealthy mother-son relationship, the mother is overbearing and controlling. In this case, the mother has a soft heart, so she always forgives her son. Your son is not the only one who has ever done thisand he wont be the last. The mother might use guilt trips or other manipulative tactics to try to get what she wants from her son, who will often feel like he has to give in because he feels guilty about not giving her what she wants. Related Heres how to set boundaries for your in-laws. She might demand that you live at home until youre 30 or tell you who to date and how to dress. If your sons relationship is making him unhappy, or he is having problems with his friends or family, this could indicate that other issues are at play. How Long Does It Take to Forgive a Cheating Spouse? They may feel like they are not good enough or that they do not deserve their mothers love. However, for sons, their negative relationship with their mother more often had ripple effects to break down other relationships. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-sky-3','ezslot_24',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-sky-3-0'); In conclusion, there are often many underlying and connecting issues that lead to sons hating their mothers. Your email address will not be published. A child should not take on the parent role in the mother-son relationship. There is a difference between the concerned mother giving advice out of love and the judgmental, pushy, and intrusive mother who just wants to tell her son what to do. This might be because she was too busy working or emotionally unavailable. This reason is related to #2. It is also important to keep in mind that being a grown-up requires a great deal of responsibility, and it takes time to develop the skills required for adulthood. Support is essential for a childs development and growth, no matter how old they are. 3. For example, if your son has been watching a lot of shows that featurebad boys(like Luke Cage or Breaking Bad), he may be more likely to act out in ways that are not healthy for his relationship with you. Here are five of the most common reasons sons treat their mothers poorly. Controlling mothers also believe their sons are more of a possession than a child. This will lead him to disrespect other women as well. She's hoping her experience with parenting and everything in between can help other moms navigate the complex world of motherhood. Dr.Timothy Legg says that if youre not willing to sacrifice the relationship, then you must modify your behavior in relation to the behavior of the person with NPD. And to do this successfully usually requires regular and consistent therapy involving all stakeholders, if possible: the son, the mother, and the father. The mother makes the son feel guilty for doing things without her. When kids are young, its a good idea to teach them to care for other people. Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. Some adult children deliberately abuse their parents and, if that is the case, then you should avoid this step. Instead, years of suppressing negative emotions may affect the males development and ability to establish intimacy in future relationships. This can be very frustrating for the son because he does not have a chance to express his feelings to his mother. Engages in horrific boundary-breaking. Control is also evident when mothers make decisions for their children without consulting them first. And sometimes the reason can seem inexplicable. Mothers should talk to their sons gently. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',109,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1-0'); The relationship between a mother and son is extremely important to a males upbringing, just as the father-son relationship is. The nature want us to love our parents, it is a natural part of life. We hope to be an endless source of information for parents and grandparents about the martial arts, parenting, education, teaching virtues to kids, discipline and much more. A mother who controlled her son may feel it is okay to control his spouse, but this will create a further wedge in the relationship. Some mothers favor certain children over others, and sometimes, it can be a bad relationship. Renowned clinical psychologist and respected university professor, Jordan B. Peterson, has addressed the mother-son relationship extensively via professional talks and books. Its important to understand the reasons behind this behavior so that we can address it effectively. Then, I got a call back that no . Mother-son relationships can be complicated, and the specifics of a dysfunctional one vary widely. However, this type of mother can also be overbearing. Thats what youre supposed to do, as a parent. Adult sons are often influenced by these medias depiction of men as powerful and dominant, which can cause them to feel like they need to fit that image. There are a few things to keep in mind when trying to communicate effectively with your son. When the relationship is unhealthy, it can be difficult for mom and son to move forward in their lives. He needs to make mistakes and learn from them, which he cant do if youre constantly scolding him or telling him what to do. Spouse Substitute. In addition, she also taught education courses online as an adjunct professor, mentored numerous education interns, hosted professional development for educators, and tutored, as well as homeschooled. By learning to communicate effectively with each other, mothers and sons can build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. For further study, you may want to read my articles about sons who treat their mothers poorly and sons closeness to their mothers and fathers, as well as check out the additional resources listed below. This is usually tied to the mothers personal loneliness. Let them donate toys they dont need. Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is when the son feels like he cant express himself freely to his mother. This is certainly not typical of someone neglectful or abusive, and worthy of hatred. If your son has experienced any kind of childhood trauma, it can lead to emotional and behavioral issues that will often be taken out on you. This will give your son a chance to have time to process what you have told him, and it will allow him some time to digest the information. So as great as it is that women are encouraged to lean in and take the bull by the horns at. This is the most obvious sign that a mother-son relationship is unhealthy. Even in these situations, though, the child still treats the parent deferentially and the parent continues to think of the child in his appropriate role. Little Ninja Parenting is supported by participation in affiliate programs. So be sure to show him how much you care. When Your Grown Child Makes Bad Decisions | Guide for Parents. There are many reasons why sons might treat their mothers poorly, but some of the most common reasons include: lack of respect, feeling neglected or unimportant, feeling like they have to compete with other members of the family, and feeling like their mothers are too controlling. Showing little or no respect for her boundaries, opinions, and feelings. If it does not resolve, it can feel like a death. Mothers and sons can have a very special relationship, but what happens when that loving bond turns to loathing? This is a complex situation of factors ranging from neglectful parenting to early childhood attachment problems to mental illness. Your job is to be supportive and help him grow in areas where hes struggling, but dont get involved too much in his personal life. It may not seem a stretch to imagine a son hating a mean, harmful mother, but some sons truly hate their mothers, despite the moms being utterly caring and loving. When you see him being kind or giving, praise him. Some of the most illuminating writing on the mother-son relationships comes from William Pollack in his book Real Boys, where he describes how men are forced into a "gender straitjacket" and how mothers can reinforce these norms by encouraging them to suppress emotion. When this happens, children tend to distance themselves from their parents because they no longer feel loved or respected by them. You should also encourage him to express his feelings in a respectful way. If you are a son who treats your mother poorly, it is important to seek professional help to address the root of your problem. If you must meet with your son to discuss something that he is doing wrong, try to wait until a time when he has had a chance to relax and unwind. As such, Ive approached this topic sincerely and am happy to share with you what Ive learned about this paradoxical issue. Step 1. Everyone needs to recognize that this does not mean that a son does not love his mother. If a mother constantly questions her sons abilities, it can cause a lot of resentment in the relationship. Whatever the reason, its important to remember that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. Its tempting to get involved in every little thing that goes on in your sons life, but this is one of the worst things you can do if you want to establish healthy mother-son relationships. Of course, he understands that she is just trying to show him a better way forward but this becomes irritating at times. The dysfunction of the mother-son relationship will always affect his other relationships, in either big or small ways, whether the son likes or not. This is one of the most important things you can do for your son. She may try to manipulate him by saying things like,I know whats best for you,orYou need to do this because I said so.This type of mother-son relationship can be unhealthy for both parties involved because it can lead to resentment and anger on the sons part. Mothers who micro-manage their children make them feel like they can t function without Mom. If you want your son to grow into a healthy young man with good self-esteem, then you need to give him room for growth. Raise the issue in a non-confrontational manner as soon possible. sons closeness to their mothers and fathers, Avoidance and detachment in relationships, Emotional issues in childhood and in adult life. 5. Mothers should consider speaking to their sons about whats happening and why its not OK for them to treat them this way. Finally, if the issue persists and nothing seems to be changing, dont be afraid to ask for professional help. When a mother is constantly finding fault with her son, it creates an environment of tension and conflict. This is the more difficult kind of mother-son relationship to repair. He becomes upset with any family involvement or references. Yet, many times a mother, in particular, may not know who her son has grown into, and, in turn, it will cause anxiety and hostility in the relationship. But if you grew up in an unhealthy family, you might have noticed that your own mother gave your sister more freedom than you, or she was much more controlling over them. Many factors contribute to this strained relationship, and mothers should not take it upon themselves to shoulder all the blame. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Common Reasons Why Sons Treat Their Mothers Poorly, Tips for Creating a Healthy Mother-Son Relationship, Dont Be Afraid to Ask for Professional Help. 0. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-1','ezslot_18',157,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-1-0'); Sons need to feel that their mothers believe in them. He might feel like he doesnt know how to relate to women because the woman who raised him made him feel uncomfortable around her. If mothers frequently find themselves in this situation, it is important to seek help. Its important for mothers to have their own independent source of self-worth and not put such a burden on their sons. 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